SMITHSONS INTELEGENT HEALTH CLINIC

Welcome to our 'Health and Fitness' page.

Here you will find lots of great advice about how to lead a healthy lifestyle.
How to keep fit, how to diet safely, how to exercise and how to have a healthy 
mind and body....

We asked you to get in touch with us about your health and fitness concerns.
Here are a few of them. We have replied to your enquiries and we hope our
advice helps you.

Our first email was from Mrs Indira Kacklalajar. She writes..

'Dear Smithsons, my husband is obese and sits on the couch all day watching
repeats of The Simpsons and drinks about ten cans of beer a night.
I've tried all kinds of things to get him to change but it all falls on deaf ears.
He eats like a pig to be honest. He can eat at least two 14inch pitzas,
two donnar kebabs and a family sized chocolate cake.
He hasn't worked for over twenty years. We don't have any children because
i won't let him anywhere near me. He stinks. He only showers once a month and the 
stench of his feet is sickening. He's now 28 stone and i can't stand to even look
at him anymore. What shall i do...yours Sincerely.'

This was our reply...

dear mrs kacklalajar, we were so sad to read about your terrible
situation with your husband. it sounds like you are in a living hell.
You poor thing. Sadly there is very little help we can offer.
It sounds like your fat bastard of a husband is well beyond anyones help
to be honest and while we don't condone murder of any kind it would seem
that its your only option.We do know a raging psycopath who has done
work like this before and we will mail you his number.
He's very proffessional and also very cheap. He did one for us a few 
years ago and he only charged £35. Bargain. You may also want to 
check that any insurance pollocies are up to date.
Funeral expenses have gone though the roof since covid. 
Mr 'Lovelady', thats his nom de plume, will make it look like an accident 
of some kind. For example, is there a staircase at the property?  Or,
is the oven gas or electric.? Aslo, Mr Lovelady is excellent where
poisons are concerned. Since your husband is a gluton, that might be 
the best option.
All the girls here in the office have clubbed togther and we've enclosed
a couple of cinema tickets for you. Please let us know how things go.
All the very best, from the team at Smithsons Health and Fitness clinic.

Three weeks later we recieved this reply...

Dear Smithsons, how can i find a way to thank you.
And what a charming man Mr Lovelady is. As you said, he was very professional
and did a great job. He is well dressed and obviously takes great care of his
fitness and general appearance. And his aftershave had me spellbound. We got 
on really well and had a lovely italian meal together after he had finished
his work on my husband. And everthing has happened so quickly.
We met first for an introductary chat at the local Tesco cafe and he paid for 
everything. I had the full english and he had sausage beans and chips.
He explianed how he had a high matabolism and needed lots of callories.
He told me that he works out at the gym everyday and loves to get sweaty.
I told him it was years since i was at the gym and straight away he
said i can join him for a 'work out' anytime. 
As i say, we got on really well and he explained how he lost his wife in a 
tragic camping accident. 
After our italian meal we went our seperate ways and i couldn't believe it when 
i got home. I opened the front door and there at the bottom of the stairs was
my husband. He was dead. It seems he slipped on one of his kebabs.
Ironic that food should be the cause of his death. When the ambulance men 
came they had to take the front door off so they could get him out of the house.
One of the ambulance men said..'What a waste..of a lovely kebab.'
I had to laugh despite how sad the scene was. 
Mr Lovelady only charged me £39 and we are going to the gym together next week.
My life has certainly turned around for the better and Mr Lovelady said
he is going to 'show me the ropes' of his business with a view to working 
togther on some 'projects'. 
And all this thanks to Smithsons Health and Fitness. 
Oh and we are going to the cinema togther soon thanks to your kind gift.
Heratfelt thanks again for all your help and advice. 
Yours Sincerely, Mrs Kacklalajar.