Murder on the rails

BY STEVE MILLER

 

I WAS SITTING ON THE EIGHT THIRTY PULLMAN,
WE WERE TRAVELLING AT SPEED ON THE RAILS,
WHEN SOMEWHERE BETWEEN BURY AND STOCKPORT,
THE WOMAN OPOSITE ME BEGAN TO WAIL..
ARGHHHH..SHE YELPED, URGHHH SHE CRIED,
AS I TRIED TO GIVE MY ASSISTANCE,
BUT SHE FELL OFF THE SEAT AND DIED,
IN HER SHE WAS CLUTCHING A SIXPENCE.

WELL I PULLED SO HARD ON THE EMERGENCY CHAIN
I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO  BREAK,
AND WE ALL GOT OFF THE TRAIN AS IT GRINDED TO A HALT,
AND WE ALL HAD TO WAIT,
TILL THE POLICE ARRIVED AND STARTED ..INVESTIGATIONS.

THEY QUESTIONED ME HER MAJESTIES SERVICES DID FOR OVER AN HOUR.
DID YOU KILL THIS WOMAN..?
WHAT DID YOU KILL HER WITH..?
SO I CONFESSED.
I DID KILL HER I SAID,
I WANTED THE SIXPENCE.

THEY ONLY GAVE ME TWELVE YEARS WHICH
JUST GOES TO PROVE..
YOU CANT FOOL THE LAW.